Battle of the Blondes
by Cherubic Sasami
Summary: Could it be? Could somebody dare to have finer hair than Miss Relena??!! Well, she'll put a stop to that. Beware, Quatre, she's armed and ready. Don't forget to R&R!!! All parts now up! C'est fini!!!!
1. She's got the urge... To hurt you

Legal: I don't own Gundam and its characters. Likewise, I do not own, nor claim rights to any hair products mentioned. Thank you.  
  
Battle of the Blondes  
Part I: She's Got the Urge... To Hurt You  
  
Relena sat on her large, pink, satiny bed and sighed. Something just didn't seem right, but what? She took out her Princess Snow White Barbie talking mirror. "Mirror, mirror from the box, who's the one with the prettiest locks?" she recited, stroking her Dijon mustard-colored hair.   
Like magic, Princess Snow White Barbie's face appeared and replied, "You, of course! Because everyone's as pretty as a princess in Barbie World!" Suddenly, her voice turned dark. "Now, go buy all my dolls and accessories or I'll hunt you down!" With that, Barbie's face disappeared.   
Relena flomped down on her back and sighed. "Something still doesn't feel right," she sighed to herself. Picking up her newly developed pictures from the last 'Gundam Crew' picnic, she suddenly realized what had been bothering her. Someone did have better hair. It was lighter, more delicate, and just beautiful in general. She frowned. "Quatre, in the name of my happiness, you must die..."   
  
*~*~*  
  
Meanwhile, at Winner Mansion, Quatre was combing his delicate hair and singing. "She's got the urge... to herbal," he sang while watching himself in the mirror. Quatre was very picky about what hair products he used. In the shower, he used only Herbal Essences' Rose Hip shampoo and conditioner. To style, he found that Pantene ProV was the only thing that kept his fly-aways together. And finally, he used Sebastian Molding Mud* to perfect his shabby-chic style.   
He paused from his morning routine. Some was wrong. He touched each bottle and pondered. Something was out of place. Had Duo stolen his styling mousse again? No, not since he had accidentally picked up the whipped cream from Quatre's "special drawer". Quatre smiled, remembering the dog that had chased Duo down the street and eventually knocked him over, licking his chestnut hair with delight.   
Still something wasn't right. He sniffed the air. Some strange, alien scent wafted amongst the perfumes of hair products. Quatre touched his hair one more time. There, he felt it. His hair, instead of feeling like newborn duck feathers, felt sticky. As he went to pull his hand away, he noticed, to his horror that his hair stuck and followed. He sniffed the familiar scent: honey. How could this have happened? Who could've done this? He picked up each bottle and sniffed. No, not the Herbal Essences'... Nope, not the Pantene ProV... Finally, he picked up his faithful tub of $46 Sebastian Molding Mud. Instead of smelling the sick scent of formaldehyde-like goo, he smelled the sweet aroma of honey.   
He whimpered and cried. Not in his 15 years of living with 29 sisters had anyone done anything so downright cruel. He was about to go downstairs and interrogate each member of the house (starting with Duo), when he heard a voice that didn't belong. Opening the door, he heard Relena talking at Heero.   
"...So then I told her 'Whatever you do, don't sell that poodle!' Isn't that funny?" she paused. "Heero, I said, isn't that funny?" Instead of pausing, she giggled. "Yeah, I thought it was funny too.   
Up in his room, Quatre tried to think of a logical reason why Relena would've done such a thing.   
"Now Quatre," he murmured to himself, "don't go jumping to conclusions. Just because Relena is here and your expensive hair product has been laced with honey doesn't mean she's the culprit. I'm sure whoever did it will eventually feel guilty for their actions and come apologize." He smiled at his ability to rationalize and walked downstairs into the living room. "Hello Heero, hello Miss Relena. Miss Relena, how are you today?" he asked, in his sweetest tone.   
"I'm very well, thank you Quatre. And how are you?"  
"Alright, thank you. Well, I'd best be going, I've got to go pick up some groceries." It was a lame excuse, but Quatre didn't want to spend any extra time around Relena, fearing that he might lose his temper and make false accusations.  
"While your out," Relena said with a devilish grin, "you might want to buy some more of that fancy molding muck you 'STICK' in your hair!" she laughed maniacally.  
Quatre slammed that door. Leaning against it, he sighed. "I didn't want to have to do this, but... Relena Peacecraft, this means war..."  
  
*~*~*  
  
*Sebastian Molding Mud is one of my favorite hair products. I figured if I was going to put my favorite hair products, I shouldn't leave out my absolute favorite... ^^;; Shallow? Hardly. Meticulous? Sometimes. Running low on decent ideas? Always.   
  
So... You like? You no like? Tell me! (~_~;; Especially because I never proofread...) Please, send all comments, questions, and constructive criticisms to Sasami211@japan.com  



	2. The Chestnut Hair of Delia's Den

Legal Crap/Author's Note: I don't own Gundam (though by now, we should've established this...) To add to that, however, I also do not own Delia's Den (don't ask me how I know, but it is a real place). Um, to put in a note, Delia's Den, in being a real place, is not what I say it is I simply stole the name because I've always thought it kind of funny. All hail the kleptomaniac queen!   
  
Battle of the Blondes  
Part II: The Chestnut Hair of Delia's Den  
  
Quatre wandered the streets for hours, each minute pondering what actions he should take. 'Break her favorite hairbrush? No, I don't want to seem like an amateur. Take a spin in Wing Zero and gun her down? No, a little too violent,' he smirked, 'but not by much.' In contrast to his usual laid back attitude, Quatre was pissed and he vowed to take no prisoners.   
  
But after roaming the city for 4 hours, he came to one, simple conclusion. 'I'm not very clever about taking revenge, am I?' He needed to take lessons from a master, and knew just where to find one.  
  
*~*~*  
  
After a few wrong turns and a battle with a hobo for his vest, Quatre found himself outside Delia's Den, underage drinking bar by day, seedy strip club by night. 'If Duo isn't here, my name isn't Quatre Raberba Winner.'  
  
As soon as he opened the door, he realized he was far from the yuppie wet bars he was so accustomed to seeing. The room was dingy and damp and it reeked of puke and cigars. But amongst it all stood the chestnut haired pilot, surprisingly sober, while dancing on the pool table to the delight of the red nosed drunkards.   
  
Duo spun around a pool stick on the table, sending his coated rubber band flying and causing his braid to slowly unravel. To any pink elephant spotter, he was just another Delia's Den floozy doing a pole dance. The men hooted and hollered as they threw rolled up $50 and $100 bills at the crazed adolescent.   
  
Quatre watched in shocked. He never would've guess something like this would be Duo's motives to come here, though he had wondered where the American pilot was getting his money from.   
  
Looking over at the sudden sunlight, Duo could see the familiar, Docker's clad shadow of Quatre. 'Quatre? In a place like this?' He shrugged. 'Whatever.' "Hey Quatre! Come to join the party?" Duo yelled, hopping off the table.  
  
The Arabian pilot's faced turned red in embarrassment. 'Leave it to Duo to make me look like a pervert.' "Uh, Duo, could I have a word with you?"  
Looking back at his adoring fans, Duo slowly sauntered toward his anxious friend. "Take five boys, I'll be back!"  
  
"Duo," Quatre began, his tone kind, but serious, "I've come to you for, shall I say, a little advice."  
  
With that, Duo burst out laughing. "YOU came to ME for ADVICE? Now I've heard everything."  
  
Quatre continued on, showing no frustration as he tried talking above Duo's laughter. "I need help taking revenge on someone. Will you help me?"  
  
The cocky Shinigami smiled. "Depends on who we're talking about here. Does this person have a name, or should I just kill now and ask questions later? I charge $500 for civilian massacre and $2000 if they have decent fighting skills."  
  
Quatre shook his head. "Don't kill, just take revenge on-" he paused for drama, "Relena Peacecraft."  
"Say no more. I'll do this one for free."   
  
*~*~*  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Relena sat outside Chez Americaine, Hilde by her side.  
"You want me to do WHAT?" Hilde shrieked, blasting the eardrums of passers by.   
"I want you to help me take revenge on Quatre."  
"Why?"  
"That's not important now. What is important is will you help me?"  
"Will there be food?"  
Relena smiled. "Yes Hilde, my dear friend. We will have our cake and eat it too, while the albino rodent boy gets his just desserts."  
Hilde smiled. "Mmmm, Just desserts." She paused, as if a thought just struck her. "Relena."  
"Yeah."  
"What do Just desserts taste like?"  



	3. The Finest Hair of My Generation

Legal Crap: I don't own Gundam Wing, its characters, or its characters' hair. I don't own E.L. Fudge, though I think I may have a bag hidden in Michiwoo's closet. But I do own my thoughts and jokes about Trowa's special blend catnip. O.o Just read it, k? Bon Appetite!   
Battle of the Blondes  
Part III: A Gathering of the Finest Hair of My Generation  
  
Relena sat at the head of the table, surrounded by the most devious female minds of her generation. After days of whining and begging, she'd made her army consisting of Hilde, Good Lady Une*, Bad Lady Une*, Dorothy Catalonia and Mariemaia (who was, by now, a very respectable 10 years old).   
  
"My dearest comrades," Relena began, sounding not unlike a Russian communist leader, "I've brought you here for one, simple reason: to wage violent, bloody war against Quatre Raberba Winner."  
Bad Lady Une and Dorothy started laughing louder than hyenas on Trowa's lion's catnip.  
Relena pouted. "What's so damn funny?"  
Dorothy stopped laughing long enough to look at Relena and ask, "Relena, what does pacifism mean?"  
Relena turned red with anger and embarrassment. "It means... um, it means... I am the Queen of Sanq Kingdom! I do not have to put up with such insub... uh, insub... insubordination!"  
At this, Bad Lady Une and Dorothy started cackling wildly.   
  
When they'd stopped, Relena continued. "Alright, let's go around the table and each say an idea. Hilde, why don't we start with you?"  
Hilde, who hadn't been paying attention till now sudden perked up. "'Kay. I'd like to demonstrate my idea."  
Relena shrugged. "Sure, why not?"  
Hilde smiled and giggled. "Okay, the first step is to grab a bag of Spring E.L Fudge Cookies." Placing the bag on the table, she grabbed a little elf cookie and instructed everyone else to do the same. Her audience shrugged, but didn't question. "Next, visualize that you're holding a little Quatre, instead of a little elf." To demonstrate her point, Hilde crossed her eyes, much to the amusement of Dorothy and Bad Lady Une. "And finally, placing the cookie between your index finger and thumb," she paused, looking at the cookie, "BITE THE HEAD OFF!" As she yelled her final command, she viciously crunched down on the head of the elf-shaped cookie.   
Placing their uneaten cookies back on the table, the group stared at Hilde and shook their heads in disgust.  
"What? What'd I do?" asked Hilde, who had thought her idea was quite ingenious.   
"Hilde," Relena sighed, "what exactly does your plan accomplish?"  
Hilde paused, placing her index finger on her chin in thought as she continued to eat her cookies' heads. "Well, you get to eat cookies! Besides, doesn't it get a point across?"  
  
Ignoring the question, Relena moved on to the next femme fatale. She looked next at Good and Bad Lady Une as Good Lady Une carefully unbraided their hair. "Do either of you have an idea?"  
Bad Lady Une, who suddenly became aware that her kinder alter ego was undoing their braid, spoke up. "Let's just blow him up! Now somebody come over hear and redo my braid!"  
To this, Good Lady Une had only to reply, "Violence is not the answer," as she continued to unravel the sinister braid.   
"Of course it is!"  
"It's never the answer!"  
"It's always the answer!"  
The others watched, perplexed, as Lady Une continued to have arguments with herself.  
"Which ones the real one?" Hilde whispered across the table to Mariemaia.   
Mariemaia shrugged. "I've never really been sure."  
  
Relena coughed decisively, and the conversation was over. "Dorothy, I believe it's your turn."  
Dorothy smiled and raised one large, cockroach eyebrow. "No question, all we need to do is impale him with a fencing foil."  
Bad Lady Une nodded approvingly. "I admire your ideas and wish to know the URL of your website so that I may learn more."  
"Sure, www.IliketostalkRelena.com/IloveRelena."  
Relena, who'd been pondering over where she was going to get a fencing foil from, suddenly turned toward Dorothy at the sound of her name. "What'd you say?"  
Dorothy smirked. "Nothing Miss Relena. I was just admiring how nice your dress is."  
"Oh, yes. I'd say it's uniquely me (since I got it and its duplicates custom made), but you're wearing the same one. Where'd you get that from anyway?"  
"Let's just say I found it during my rounds and leave it at that, okay?"  
  
"Um, sure. Alright Mariemaia, do you have an idea?"  
Mariemaia smiling like the kawaii villianiss she is replied, "I thought you'd never ask." Pulling down a map of the Earth, which had been strategically plotted with small, yellow happy faces, she began to unveil her scheme. "Okay, first we take control of Japan. Once they see how cute I am, they'll put me at the top in no time! Next, I say we bomb Pearl Harbor."  
"Why?" asked Dorothy, her other cockroach eyebrow raised.  
"I want freshly baked bananas... NOW!" Mariemaia growled.  
"I'm sorry I asked."  
"Okay, once we've bombed Pearl Harbor and eaten all the bananas we can stomach-"  
"Excuse me," Relena interjected.  
"Miss Relena, don't be rude." Mariemaia, who was getting quite miffed, hissed. "As I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted, after we bomb-"  
"What does this have to do with getting revenge on Quatre?" Relena yelled, pounding her fist on the table.  
"Quatre? Who's Quatre?"  
Good Lady Une turned to her adoptive child and whispered, "You know, honey, that albino Gundam pilot?"  
"Oooh, that one."  
  
"He's not albino!" Dorothy shrieked. "He just has a creamy complexion!"  
Hilde, who'd been fairly quiet so far, began singing, "Dorothy and Quatre, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"  
"I DON'T LIKE HIM!" Dorothy screamed, breaking all the glass within 10 miles. Pouncing the singing Hilde, she began punching anyone she could reach. After 5 minutes, everyone in the room (sans Mariemaia, who was still puzzled as to they really wanted to hurt such a small, insignificant boy) was in what seemed to be the largest, most violent catfight of the century.   
"Grown ups are so silly," Mariemaia reflected, shielding her face from the flying hair.   
  
*~*~*  
  
* I'd like to clarify that, yes, I am aware that there is only one Lady Une. But to keep things a little clearer, I gave each personality a, shall I say ingenious, name.   



	4. A shift in the hair in power...

Legal Crap/Author's Note: I think we've established that I don't own Gundam, its characters, or its characters' hair. I do, however, own my jokes about Trowa's "catnip" and any other ideas projected in this fic. If you are desperate enough to want to steal my jokes... you've got issues. Ja ne!   
  
Battle of the Blondes  
Part IV: A Shift in the Hair in Power  
  
Meanwhile, at Trowa's circus tent...  
  
Heero, Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei sat around a campfire in silence, each one looking at the one across from them. It'd been three hours already since Quatre had called them here, and they still had no idea on how to take revenge on the mustard haired skank, Relena.   
  
Heero finally spoke, disrupting the silence. "I still say we should do everyone a favor and just kill her." Everyone except Quatre nodded in agreement.  
"Heero," Quatre grumbled, displaying his fatigue and frustration, "I already told you. Blood stains Dockers. If we killed her, I'd never be able to hide the evidence. Besides, I'd be wasting a perfectly good pair of pants. Duo, I put you in charge. You should be the one coming up with the ideas."  
  
Duo sighed and simply mumbled, "Why'd Hilde have to go and join the other side? How am I supposed to kill Relena without holding the risk of hurting Hilde?"  
Quatre sighed and Wufei growled something to the effect of, "Stupid onna deserves to die if she joins the weak onna army."  
Duo, catching most of the Shenlong pilot's remark, stood up and yelled, "You come here and say that!"  
Wufei, standing up rather nonchalantly, looked Duo straight in the eye and replied, "Do you want to protect your dim witted skank or do you want to win?" As soon as Wufei finished his sentence, he was struck with a crushing blow to the jaw, thereby commencing the beginning of his battle with Duo.  
  
While Trowa and Heero watched, mildly amused, as the two pilots beat the crap out of each other, Quatre hid his head in his hands in shame. "How am I supposed to get anything done when I'm forced to work with these, these... ROGUE FREAKS!!! I can't take this anymore, damn it!" Grabbing Wufei and Duo in a strange moment of strength, Quatre flung his fellow pilots onto opposite benches. "YOU! THINK! NOW!"  
All four other pilots stared at the usually polite Arabian in awe. "Woah," Duo murmured, his jaw dropping. "Someone needs to chill."  
  
Without saying a single word, Trowa stood up and held a small leather pouch up to his spastic companion's nose. Instantly, Quatre fell into a calm stupor and was slowly lowered onto a bench to relax.  
Raising an eyebrow, Heero looked over at Trowa and asked, "What is that stuff?"  
Trowa, smirking, replied, "Just a little something I give the lions to calm down."  
Duo grabbed the bag and took a whiff. "Dude, this is narcot... narcot..." Without finishing his sentence, Duo fell into a deep, drug induced sleep.   
"I'm going to go kill Relena," Heero said calmly as he stood up. "You guys in?"  
Trowa and the battered Wufei nodded. "We should come to make sure you actually go through with it," the chauvinist pilot hissed, holding his hand over the large bruise on his cheek.  
"Say it again and I'll put another bruise on that face of yours."   
  
  



	5. Horribly Tangled

Legal Crap: Do I really need to say this again? Gundam, its characters and their illumines hair do not belong to me. So, to you lawyers, go back to chasing those ambulances, you haven't got anything on me...   
  
Battle of the Blondes:  
Part V: Horribly Tangled  
  
Quatre opened his bloodshot eyes and sat up with a groan. He wasn't sure why, but something told him he didn't want to know why he was in the middle of Trowa's circus, with only a drooling, sleeping Duo laying on top of him. Quatre shuddered in disgust as he wiped Duo's saliva off his face.   
'Where'd everyone go?' Quatre wondered, gently shoving Duo off of him so he could stand. Scouring the area, he discovered a small, terse note on one of the monkey cages. It read:  
  
Quatre-  
Went to go kill Relena. Borrowed your car. Figured you wouldn't mind.   
~ Trowa, Heero and Wufei  
  
Quatre let out an exasperated sigh. 'What's the point of revenge if I don't even get the satisfaction of seeing her die?' Poking Duo hard in the ribs, he looked for a means of getting to where ever Relena and the others were. 'Elephant? No, too smelly. Catherine's Jeep, maybe? No, showing up in a hot pink Barbie car would give people the wrong ideas.'  
Duo, still in a dreamy trance, looked up and mumbled, "Mmmm, Heero, motorcycles ARE more fun when you're naked..."  
'That's it! No,' Quatre shivered, 'NOT the naked part... Motorcycle! Trowa has a motorcycle!' "Thanks Duo!" Quatre called back as he ran to where Trowa kept his green motorcycle.   
Hopping on the foreign vehicle, Quatre had only two things on his mind: 'I hope I don't die getting there' and 'I can't wait to watch Relena finally die'.  
  
  
*~*~*  
  
After a few hours of driving, Trowa, Heero and Wufei had arrived to the battlefield: Winner Mansion. Yes, crouched outside the huge estate were Relena, Lady Une, Hilde and Mariemaia, dressed in camouflage spandex tops and mini skirts.  
The Gundam trio silently ducked into a nearby bush on the opposite side of the grandiose front yard. "Stupid, weak onnas, in their stupid, weak battle attire," Wufei grumbled.   
Heero elbowed the Chinese pilot hard in the ribs, causing him to yelp. "If you're saying you don't want to be a part of killing them, then- "  
His remark was addressed by vigorous shakes of the head by both Wufei and Trowa.   
"Good, I'll go in and distract them, you two have your guns armed and ready," The Perfect Soldier commanded, a vicious twinkle in his eye.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Duo stood up and looked around. What was he doing at Trowa's circus, again? He shrugged; if he didn't remember, it probably wasn't all that important. Instead of sticking around, his stomach instructed him to go home and grab something to eat. 'Hm, I wonder if Quatre has any leftover cinnamon buns?'   
  
*~*~*  
  
After checking all of Relena's normal hideouts, Quatre decided to give up for the day and head home. 'I'll give her the night, how far can she run?'  
  
*~*~*  
Heero held his breath and stood up from his hiding spot in the azaleas and walked toward the girls' 'base'. Within seconds, a familiar "Squee!" was heard echoing from the bushes, followed by the emerging of an all too familiar mustard-haired girl.   
"Heero!" Relena squealed, glomping the Perfect Soldier. "What were you doing over there, silly? I've missed you soooooo much!" She continued on, ignoring the fact that Heero was making strange signals to the bush from which he'd ascended.   
From the holly bush, Trowa was getting rather confused. 'Does that signal mean shoot her, or wait? I'd better wait. Maybe Wufei would know. Oh well, something will happen.'  
On the other side, Relena's actions were being met with mixed reactions. "How sweet!" Hilde giggled. "Lady Une, isn't that cute?"  
"Oh yes, very," Good Lady Une replied, smiling.  
"More like very nauseating," Bad Lady Une grumbled, sticking her finger in her mouth to display her disgust.   
"How boring Miss Relena is," Mariemaia reflected.   
Dorothy growled. "That's it! I'm not letting another perfectly good battle be ended just because of Miss Relena's weakness for that... boy." Aiming her gun, she prepared to fire.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Duo opened the iron gate just in time to see a shot be fired from the bushes and impale Heero straight through the gut and a second time through the chest. When Heero had hit the ground with a thud, a certain sinister, cockroach-eyebrowed girl hopped up and down in the bushes in triumph.   
"I finally did it! I did what Mr. Trieze and Mr. Milliardo could never do! I killed Heero Yuy!"  
"Oh my God," Duo yelped, "you killed Heero!"  
From the bushes, Duo could just hear Wufei's voice shout "Kisama!"  
Pausing from her victory dance, Dorothy looked around. "What was that?"  
Hilde stood up, confused. "What was what? Oh, hi Duo!"  
"Hey Hilde!"  
"That noise in the bushes over there. We're under attack!"  
Hopping into action, Trowa and Wufei stood up, guns aimed straight at the pacifist war leader. "Finally," Wufei whispered, smiling, "the day has come to prove just how weak you really are compared to us."   



	6. The Hair Will Fly!

Legal: Same as always, I don't own Gundam, its characters or their hair. So, enjoy!   
  
Author's note: I apologize in advance for this part. It's short (I could've done it all in 4 lines...) and it is the pure result of what happens when you drink too much Dr. Pepper while watching 'Billy Elliot'. Enjoy anyway!  
  
Battle of the Blondes  
Part VI: The Hair will Fly  
  
As Quatre pulled up to the front gate of his large estate, he was suddenly aware that something was amiss. Pulling up behind Duo, who seemed to be distracted by his purple-haired female love interest, he found himself to be in the midst of a battle of the sexes.   
Relena whipped around to glare Quatre in the eye. "You," she growled, "how dare you..."  
Quatre was suddenly confused. "How dare I what?"   
"That hair... That damn hair of yours... How dare you show up with that rich, full flaxen mane of yours! Omae o korosu!" Relena lunged at Quatre, but, being hardly klutzy, she missed and tumbled to the ground.   
"Hair?" Quatre asked inquisitively. "That's what this is all about?"  
Relena nodded.  
"You mean to tell me you went through all this trouble just because you were jealous of my hair?!"  
Wiping off her dress, Relena stood up. "I was NOT jealous, I just..." She trailed off.   
From the background, the hyena-like laughs of Bad Lady Une and Dorothy could be heard along with the bored sigh of an impatient Mariemaia.   
Duo, who'd been drooling over Hilde's scandalous battle wears, suddenly started laughing. "That's ridiculous! Besides, everyone knows MY hair is the best out of all of us!"  
His comment was met with harsh glares from all sides. "Stupid little boy," Bad Lady Une growled pompously, "everyone knows that my hair, especially when braided, is both shiny and magnificent."  
Heero stood up, bloody, but otherwise unfazed. "Your hair is uglier than a pig's ass."   
Relena swooned. "I always knew you loved my hair best, Heero!"  
"Hn." To emphasize his point, Heero pulled out a comb and began carefully brushing his rogue locks.   
Wufei grunted. "Free hair is for the weak! Tight ponytails, such as mine, show the true glory of a strong man's forehead!"  
Trowa looked over at the enraged Chinese pilot skeptically. "Foreheads are ugly," he stated tersely.   
"What was that uncle impostor?" Mariemaia yelled across the green. "Is that your hair or did something die on your head?"  
Hilde and Mariemaia began laughing like small children and pointing at Trowa's shock of bangs.   
Meanwhile, Quatre sat and watch, perplexed as to how this strange battle over locks began. 'I can't believe this. All this over my cute little hair-do. This is pointless, but how do I stop them?' Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a medium-sized vile and a squirt gun. 'Perfect.' Loading the contents of the vile into the squirt gun, he called out to the warring hair fanatics. "Hey guys! Look at this!" As everyone turned to look, they were blasted with the contents of the water pistol. The battle was over.  
  
*~*~*  
Two days had passed since that frightful battle, but the effects wore on. Duo picked up his bicolored braid and let out a low whimper. "Quatre," he whined to the contented pilot, "why?"  
"Why what?"  
"Why the hell did you have to use bleach!"   
Quatre smiled. "Now there's no question. My hair is undoubtedly the cutest."   
  
*~*~*  
  
This concludes "The Battle of the Blondes". I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as (hopefully more than) I enjoyed writing it. Please, let me know what you think! Should I write a sequel? Let me know, m'kay? ~ Cherubic Sasami   



End file.
